Something I Really wasn’t Planning on Telling…

I don’t know what has gotten into me lately.

I honestly have no idea. Work has been nothing but an angry pit of venomous reptiles for me. At home, I’m restless. I feel insatiable, yet I’m hypersensitive to everything. The emotional tension alone should be enough to drive me insane, but my thoughts are oddly calm. Almost drugged.

It’s a weird sort of confusion, I suppose. A distinctive lack of contentment enwraps me. Close to things I’ve felt before. Close, but never this exact feeling.

I felt something akin to this my last semester at Southwest. Back then, it was the realization that the path I had so carefully planned for myself wasn’t turning out to be the path I wanted to follow. It’s been an issue other times. The answerless question of, “what the hell am I doing with my life?”

So, what do I do? When faced with my complete uncertainty regarding my life and my future, how do I proceed?

Oh, I apply to University.

Yeah, and you think YOU'RE surprised. I have no idea why. I have no idea what I’m going to do when/if I’m accepted. I have no idea what’s going to transfer. I have no idea what I would even take. I guess the standard company line is, “I’m going to see if it’s an opinion. If it is, then I’ll go talk to a guidance councilor and see what my further opinions are. And see how much of my credits will transfer.”

I have a strong feeling that I’m going to lose out on most of my student status. It makes me super happy to see my freaking hard-ass Honors courses—that, at SWT were taken in lieu of the easy core courses like History and Government—are now only going to be counted as electives. Excuse me?!? An ELECTIVE?!? If I’d know that was going to happen, I would have bolstered my GPA with a real elective where I would be fawned over for my artistic talents. Not a class where my every thought was deemed worthless—or at least uncultivated—and my papers clung by the skin of their teeth to a B-. Ugh! Okay, whatever, shall we move on?

Canadians have a funny little quirk in their language—well, let’s be honest here, there is certainly more than just one—where “college” and “university” are not interchangeable. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been questioned or corrected from saying the wrong thing. The best way to explain it, I guess, is to say that—to Canadians—the word “college” is only used when referring to a community college or a professional school. “University,” on the other hand, applies to your degree-tracking four year post-secondary education schools and Graduate schools.

Oh, also, Canadian Universities organize their curriculum in a completely different way then the US’s does. Semesters are no longer semesters. All credits are weighted equally. There’s more, and it’s extremely confusing. Seriously, I’m reading this stuff and I have no clue what the hell they are talking about. To the point that I’m not even sure exactly what it is that I can do while enrolled there. (Although, I am fairly certain that I can have three different minors…and that will substitute for one major. Seriously?? That’s freaking AWESOME!) Whatever the whole thing is confusing. But it’s all good, because I’m supposed to be smart? Right?

RIGHT?

I donno. But damn, I used to be smart. Or at least, my tests/scores tell claim I was. I got a perfect score on the Writing portion of my ACT?? 99th percentiles? WTF? Is this like when I look back at pictures of myself in high school and think, “holy shit, I was fucking skinny!” Skinniness and smartness decrease in exact correlation with age, while the realization of how wrong you were about yourself back then increases exponentially? That’s craziness.

So, yeah. We’ll see what happens from here. I’m sure there will be updates. Er…upblogs? Heh. That sounds kinda kinky.

One moment, please, while I pull my clearly less intelligent brain out of the gutter.

Besides my almost daily workouts, continuing my veggie status, attempting a date or two, and trying desperately not to tell certain people at work exactly what I think of them, I’ve been catching up on my Oscars. Well, the movies I haven’t seen which are featuring prominently in the Oscars. After all, since the Academy is nice enough to give me the awards show for my birthday every year (Oscars are always within a week of February 26th.), it’s really only proper that I make an effort to actually see all the movies nominated. It’s been a bit of a mixed bag for me.

Little Miss Sunshine was a disappointment. Well, let me rephrase. I found the movie absolutely hysterical…until they decided to push the dead grandfather out of the hospital window. Seriously? Whatever, it also probably didn’t help that I figured out the dance scene waaaaay back when I saw the grandfather snorting heroin. So, basically, if you take out the last thirty minutes or so, I really rather liked the movie. If you take only the last thirty minutes, I felt like it was the worse piece of crap since White Chicks. Blah.

Babel I enjoyed. I did, however, have a similar issue with it. I hated the ending. It took me so far out of the G-D picture, I almost forgot what I was watching. Let me be extremely clear on something. After puberty, fathers should not hug their nude daughters on a very public balcony…or at all, for that matter.

I just watched Children of Men today. I found the movie beautiful. I think…well, let me just say there is one scene in this movie that I will never, ever forget. (The crying and the solders, for those of you who have seen it.) I think, too, that there was a huge undercurrent wrapped around this flick that centered on life. On the importance of life, the miracle of birth, the amount of hope we—as human beings—put on our children. Because they are our literal future. Just found out it’s also a book. Despite my rule of reading the book before I see the movie, I think I’ll do it in reverse for this one. It was just that good.

I’ll do my picks (who should win and who will win) before the big event. In the mean time, stay happy and healthy. Love, me.

Quote of the Moment: “Yeah—we're totally in sync. And not like the defunct boyband. Like, in a good way.”
Soundtrack of the Moment: Jakalope’s, “Feel It.”
TV/Movie Quote: From Children of Men:

[After a trying ordeal, Theo speaks to the only woman to be pregnant in two decades.]
Theodore Faron: Who's the father?
Kee: There's no father. I'm a virgin. [Long pause.]Nah! Be great, though, wouldn't it?