I have this weird memory…a regret, I suppose. I was in my Senior Ecco/Gov class, and hung around with a bunch of kids who I wasn’t really friends with, but was very friendly with. A girl said something—something that caught me off-guard the way the use of the “N word” does by someone who should know better—and I muttered something along the lines of, “Wow, people really surprise you, sometimes.”
This in and of itself isn’t a murdering offense, I suppose. It’s true, in a bare, mean sort of way. I didn’t mean to be insulting when I said it, it just sort of popped out of my mouth as I thought it. Yet those words haunt me a little.
A girl standing next to me happened to overhear me. She’d mentioned something earlier…asking if she could talk to me alone later…if I’d mind giving her some advice. What I said scared her off. I never found out what she needed to say, only that my unintentional prejudice meant that she never told me. Every once in awhile I think about that, and I hope that she wasn’t looking for an outlet to confess something awful. High school can be mean enough without feeling like you can’t talk to anyone.
What’s bringing all this up, you ask? I just finished a book, one I’d highly recommend, called Speak. Without giving too much away, this freshman girl starts high school badly. She called the cops at the big summer party, leading to arrests and all sorts of social bad Karma. Thing is, she can’t talk about why she did it. Truth be told, she doesn’t really talk about much of anything. The reader, though, gets the benefit of being in her head. And in her head, silence is nonexistent. Highly recommend.
So, after all the wait, I finally saw the Twilight movie. Before I go on, I liked it. I liked how they did the sparkles, I liked how they did the casting..mostly (Rosalie will forever be Olivia Wilde in my mind.), I even liked most of what was added and/or changed. I’ve heard lots of nastiness about the above, but I’m ignoring it. I want to see it again. (I’d also like an illegal DVD copy of my own. Immediately. Thanks.) There was lots I didn’t like. But, to sum-up, I feel like it’s a great starting point for the series. Also, you don’t have to have read the book to enjoy the movie MGFM loved it, and he’s scared of books. (Exact quote: “It was just so…romantic.”)
Lauren and I, incidentally, spent an increment longer than the actual movie discussing the movie. There was much giggling. And, really, my deepest regret is that I wasn’t there with her or that she wasn’t here with me. Again this year I won’t be able to see her for Christmas. It’s been a while, longer than I’d like. And it’s all the more annoying, because of all the time in the past I’ve been able to visit her.
It’s like…okay, don’t laugh…but it’s like your first love or a long span of sex…um…what’s an antonym for “frustration”? Or even a night of really good sleep. It’s not something you appreciate until you don’t have it anymore. I’m not going to wax paranoiac about the financial state of affairs of myself and the rest of the world, just suffice it to say that I’m not planning on jumping on a plane every couple of weeks. Or…even…every couple of months. I’m missing the jet setting lifestyle, but most of all I’m missing the people who I got to see on said jet-sets.
You see, I’ve spent such a long time in the past while being unhappy at work…unhappy with my home life…unhappy, unhappy…that I really didn’t have to look far to frown. Now a days, I find myself happy…happy…and happy…except for missing those I love. I miss so many, and that’s my only real unhappiness right now. Just like the love and the sex and the sleep, I didn’t realize how much I missed everyone until I was happy enough to miss them. Dang it.
Still, must not be unappreciative of the greatest things I’ve been dealing with of late. Be thankful, everyday, for something. And I am. It’s not enough forever. But it’s enough for now.
Quote of the Moment: "GO! KILL THE BABIES!!!”
Soundtrack of the Moment: Taylor Swift, “Love Story”
TV/Movie Quotes: Twilight:
Edward Cullen: Do you trust me?
Isabella Swan: In theory.