Haha…so, we’re going to break this little do-hicky into three parts. Why, you may ask? Well, simply because I want to. I’m sick, PMSing, and just generally down trodden, so I’m going to get what I want. Okay? OKAY!
First of all, lets discuss the fact that I’m ALWAYS sick. At least, when we’re talking upper repertory systems, I’m always sick. In the words of the immortal Lauren, “basically you just need to take a pipe cleaner and stick it up your sinuses.” Oh, and while your at it, could you please rip out my tonsils? You know what, forget about it, just give me a pair of scissors, I’ll do it myself.
I realize I’m probably giving off a bad vibe…like I’m a carrier for the African Sleeping Disease or something. (LOL, can you TELL I just spent some time with the first season of House M.D.?) And yes, I did have the MUMPS my senior year of High School and Staph Infections all of last year, but I’ve managed to avoid anything really debilitating (Mono) or embarrassing (STDs).
Currently I’m on another high dose amoxicillin, three times a day. Yea, me. In 10 days I get to go back. Why, you ask? Because not only are my sinuses infected, I have striations on the back of my throat and bubbles on my ear drums…damn it. And most likely, when I go back in 10 days, I will still have bubbles on my ears, striations on the back of my throat, AND a sinus infection.
Yep, I’m excited about that too. Thankfully, if that is the case, I will be off to an ENT (ear-noise-and throat) doctor who will actually be able to fix me…hopefully, anyways.
On to topic number two:
So I was dumped monday.
LOL…okay, dumped MIGHT be a slight misrepresentation of the truth. But, I mean, seriously, “mabey we should just take sometime apart from talking,” isn’t exactly a shattering announcement of infidelity…nor is it a glaring endorsement of a long term relationship.
So, what’s a girl to do? Well, nothing, I guess. I know, I know, fight for what you want/love/need and all that, but…I’m just so very tired. I’m tired of being jealous (see below), of being alone, and—of course—being sick (see above).
I guess the most depressing part is how I saw it coming. Like, walked into work and, first thing, I started a Gchat with Lauren, talking about my idea of the coming end. Ironically, my Texas ex emails me today…of all days. So, yeah, I’m discussing the weirdness of that whole event, and an hour later, I get the word straight from the boy himself. Lauren does the best friend deal, watching out for suicide attempts and what not…LOL…no, not really.
A paraphrased section of the conversation:
Yeah, officially over.
Man, first myspace, now [Boston].
What is a girl to do?
I saw it coming.
If you couldn't tell from me when I came in.
well...how are you?
me: I've been better
But, I am sick.
So, none of this helps.
I'll be fine.
I honestly think I dealt with the worst of it this weekend already.
you mean the illness
or the [boston]ness?
me: No, the boy.
[Boston]ness, hu? Can I get a shot for that?
You see, this weekend, for the first time since we met, I didn’t hear anything from Boston. At all. No phone, no email…nada, zilch, zippo…you get the idea. Despite my attempt to get off the damn MySpace, I signed on, thinking that, if he’d signed on, at least I would know he wasn’t dead. Is it bad that, in a way, I hoped he hadn’t been online? Because then why wouldn’t he have at least emailed me? Well, he had been on…and he didn’t email me…so there you go.
The thing that made the entire issue really sad, was what I’d been doing all day Saturday. I’d spent the day/evening/night with my youngest uncle and his family. His two daughters are my youngest cousins, and Elia, the newest baby, is not quite four months old. I haven’t seen her for quite awhile, so her and I were getting reacquainted…and she was laying flat on her back on the couch next to me…I sort of leaned over her, putting my left elbow and forearm to the outside of her, sort of boxing her in…and she kept babble talking to me and giggling in the way only really small babies can. Well, it would have melted a heart of ice, which, believe it or not, I do NOT have, and I remember thinking that maybe it was silly of me to say I’d never have a baby. Which, of course, led me to think of my current boyfriend—who VERY MUCH wants children—and general thoughts of the future.
Twelve hours later, any vapor of those thoughts dissipated right along with my confidence in our relationship.
And more or less, that’s how I feel now…well, heh, that’s not entirely the truth. In all honesty I feel tricked. Like, I knew this was going to end this way…but I kept getting told, over and over that it wasn’t like I thought it was…that this was something different and special…and maybe it’s not fair to say that it wasn’t different or special…but it certainly ended exactly the way I thought it would. So, tricked I feel, but not in an awful ‘lets go molotov cocktail his house’ way. More like a, ‘silly rabbit,’ kinda way.
Maybe I always kept a piece of myself away from him? Probably. Lord knows I’m known for self destructive attitudes and unhealthy expectations.
I was thinking about going on a date, but, hell, maybe I should look into therapy first.
Speaking of therapy…lets move on to my third topic:
MySpace and I have gone separate ways. That’s right, I deleted my account. No more for me. Although, as mentioned above, I’m still being retarded and getting on. But hey, at least Boston’s ex can be all excited about being number one on his top eight now. I feel like sending her congratulatory flowers or something.
Whatever. MySpace and I will make up...and I had plenty of friends with or without him.
I’m not going to be all hypochondriactic and stress myself into a deeper sickness.
What I am going to do, is talk to Boston tonight on the phone, and see if we have a friendship left to save. If we do…well, then there’s something. If we don’t…I’m going trolling with MGFM this weekend—sick or not.
After all, a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s got to do…even if I have to down some martinis and jump a T&H (Tall & Hott) to do it.
Quote of the Moment: “Never wear anything that panics the cat.”
Soundtrack of the Moment: Remy Martin, Conceited
TV/Movie Quote: Two, From Rules of Attraction “It's a story that might bore you, but you don't have to listen, because I always knew it was going to be like that.” & “Since when does fucking somebody else mean that I'm not faithful to you?”