Friday, June 06, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Blog of the Watching

There are very few people who don’t know that I am sort of a fangirl of all things Lucas. (Well, except for Howard the Duck, wtf was that?!) I mean…there’s something to be said about the old-fashioned serial style Lucas loves so much. His mishmash of different mythologies/faiths are at sometimes obvious, but rarely boring. People like archetypal characters, we like the recognition…the understanding that good will conquer evil, somehow.

Plus, just as a side-note, who wouldn’t want to be in the circle of college/intern buddies that is Lucas, Spielberg, Coppola, and Scorsese? I would, and I’m not even old, male, or a director. But I digress.

I waited longer than my norm to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, mostly because of all the personal stuff I’ve had going on lately. I also was kinda disappointed about the reviews. I mean…I donno, I don’t really know how to explain it, I was just really hoping for a few “Dude, it was awesome!”s. You all know that reviews don’t determine what I go and see (Hello, monster movies!), but they sometimes do determine how fast I see them.

First of all, let me just get the important stuff out of the way. I loved it. It’s Indiana Jones, what more could a girl want? There was the archeology, the bullwhipping, the screamy-but-able girl, and lots of dirt and dead bodies. Also, Cate Blanchett. :D Ooo, and monkeys!

Look, don’t get me wrong, I realize that it’s super kitsch and self-important. All I’m saying is, all the Indiana Jones movies were. If you look at them subjectively…with the time periods and the subject matter and what-not…they all are really more silly than spectacular. This one is no different. And what makes them all resonate so well with an audience, is their ability to let us believe that there really is a difference between good and evil. That, somewhere, at some time, there are men and women who are essentially good, despite their faults. Oh, and we also love the idea that smart people—really smart people—can be super athletic and hott too. :p

Crystal Skull had some “Oh, come on!” moments, to be sure…but nothing was as over-the-top as Temple of Doom. I could have done without Shia LaBeouf completely, although I liked him more here than I have in the past. I just don’t think he’s attractive, nor do I think he’s the best choice to play a major character in an Indiana Jones movie. There’s something very “modern” about him…something very “now” that doesn’t translate overly well to the 50’s setting of Crystal Skull. But there’s always Cate to balance that out.

Oh, Cate…how I love thee…let me count the ways…

The truly amazing thing is how I managed to enjoy the movie, even with the idiot that was sitting behind me. Now, we’ve all been in a theatre where people weren’t following the five simple rules (1. Don’t talk louder than needed for a one-seat radius. 2. Don’t throw food on people. 3. Turn off your cell phone. 4. Don’t kick the chair in front of you. 5. In a crowded theatre, be conscientious of armrest space.). Sometimes it’s the Rocky Horror Picture show, so no one cares. Sometimes someone is having a heart attack and emergency people have to burst in and take him to the hospital. Sometimes, a school of mentally handicapped children go with their caretakers for a nice day away from the norm. Things like this happen. I’d be lying if I said they didn’t bother me—insomcuch as they take my attention away from the movie—but I understand. I get it that some things are horrible and unforeseeable and beyond anyone else’s control.

This guy, however, was just a jerk.

He started by kicking my seat during the previews. The first time, I allow for seat adjusting. I mean, I’ve accidentally had my foot slip on recently spilt coke and had a heel go flying into the seat in front of me. I’ve been grossed out by the not-so-recently spilt coke sticking to the bottom of my shoe (combined with popcorn, candy, and random paper) and shaken it around until the stuff flies off—and I bump a chair or two. Now, two times is excessive, but I take a breath, put on my big girl hat, and try not to get too flustered. Three times is unacceptable. I’m sorry, but now you’re just trying to piss me off. The third time will get me turning around and giving you the mean-old-lady face, while asking you if you have a serious issue with the back of my chair, or if you just forgot to take your Ritalin today. He stopped, so I thought all would go well from there forth.


About…oh, let’s say ¾ of the way through the movie, he gets a call, or a text. I’m kinda vague on the details. All I know, is suddenly the film had a slightly hip-hop sounding underscore. I literally was thinking, “Well, this is certainly an interesting choice.” I don’t think I would have even clued completely into what was happening…until the ringtone repeated-seven times. I kid you not people—I counted. Some people complained, and it stopped…eventually.

Shortly thereafter the music came on again, but this time different. I thought that perhaps this was indicating a voicemail. Oh no, my friends; no no. Sadly, this was indicating that the device was nestled uncomfortably in the hands of an asshole. When I turned around—which, mind you, was at least a full minute into the music—it looked like the guy was either: a) watching something on YouTube, or b) playing some sort of game. Look, I get that sometimes you’re not as into the movie as you thought you might be. Sometimes you get dragged in by friends or family when you really have zero desire to go in the first place. Regardless, this does not give you the right to fire up the ol’ blackberry at full volume and get after it. GO OUTSIDE, for goodness sake!

A nice lady, who was willing to leave the theatre 10 minutes before the end credits, left to get a manager. The kid was later escorted out. May that be a lesson to all movie goers. Buying yourself a ticket does not allow you to sit in the air conditioning for two hours, doing whatever it is you feel like doing. If that’s what you’re into, go to one the gross theaters, bring a plastic seat protector, and have at it. Do NOT come to a public movie theatre just to make an ass of yourself, please and thank you. I WILL hurt you. I’m curiously strong for my size. (Seriously, carnival freak-show worthy.)

That is all, go about your day.


PS=> To anyone reading this that I actually hang out with, I know none of you are dumb enough to do any of the above. Love ya’ll!

Quote of the Moment: “These are not the druids you’re looking for…what? Aren’t they druids or whatever in that movie?”
Soundtrack of the Moment: Indiana Jones Theme
TV/Movie Quote: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull : “You fight like a young man; eager to start and quick to finish.”

No comments: